Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize