I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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