It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
