btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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