i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
