i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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