Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They took my balls.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
