I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
