I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize