We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
