I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Two words: blizzard sex
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
