I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Still dying that you shit outside
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
