In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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