he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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