Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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