my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
