I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
