Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
