Dude my mom stole all your condoms
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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