no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
