Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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