I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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