saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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