I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
