i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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