Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
