i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
