a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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