Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
