i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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