Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
