So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
