I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
