exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
