currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
