$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just cropdusted the office
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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