I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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