you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
