How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
