I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
