I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
