I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
