Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
