HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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