She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
