Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
