So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
