I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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