Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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