She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize