im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
