It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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