I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
