She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
