I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
