i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
