help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
