He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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