went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
