Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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