I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize