Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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