get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
