you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
