What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
