I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
