You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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