tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
