soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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